By: Mia L. Hazlett
5/18/12
http://wareham-ma.villagesoup.com/news/story/ipads-get-students-excited-about-learning/822457
I believe as you raise your children, there will always come a point in your life when you question yourself. Did I do this right? Did I do that right? Should I not have done this and that? Or at least I do. One of the areas I have always pushed in my daughters’ lives is their education. Working in the educational industry and having teachers in the family, has exposed my daughters to college and schools since they were very young. Beyond just working in that arena, I was always copying school work for them to work on at home or asking a teacher how to teach my kids in a subject they struggled in.
Another thing I did with my oldest during her summers – book reports or writing a report on something she found important. When she would complete it, she had to give an oral presentation to me. She now has no problems giving oral reports or as you can see above, presenting to the town’s school committee. I always thought I was pushing her too hard when it came to her grades, but then I thought, she has never really had a bad grade. There was a little concern about her science, but I know she is trying her hardest. Oh yeah, and she’s dealing with her parents separation, this is her second school in two years, we are staying at my parents, she’s playing softball, very serious about her duct tape business, and practices writing short stories – just to mention a few of the things on her plate.
So I sat there that night watching her present, and I had no question in my mind – I’ve done a great job! There are a few things in my life I’m proud of, but when it comes to my kids, that moment is what it’s about. It was not only about watching her, but when she finished, a man approached me and said, “your daughter was so articulate.” What a compliment!!! Her vocabulary and annunciation came from my less articulate moments, “Speak up and stop talking like you just bit your tongue,” “Who are you talking to me or the floor? Look me in the eyes and act like you believe what you’re sayin.” Then when the reporter asked if she could be featured in the newspaper, that feeling inside me was priceless. I sat there in that auditorium with her father, aunt, and sister and hid my watery eyes. It was hard to believe I raised that little girl.
So last night when we got home after her softball game, she disappeared and returned with the newspaper. I opened it up an there she was. I began to read the article and she stood right next to me as I did. ”Great job, baby. I’m proud of you. Now go take a shower and then finish you’re homework. It’s late and you should have done your homework when you got home.” Hey, I’m proud, but the child knows to do her homework when she gets home, especially on game nights. But nonetheless, I’m a proud Momma.
Welcome to J & M Publishing Company’s website. It still holds my Mommy Not Friend blog so have no worries, I’m still here. I’ve been saying I was going to do this for a long time and finally jumped to it last night. I’m trying to manage both blogs and my book promotion, so I needed them all in one place. I am working on the email glitches at this point. I’m not real tech savvy so please bear with me as I pull things together. I thank all of you who have supported my blogs and book. From the bottom of my heart, I’m grateful.
What!?!
An award?
Awarded to Moi?
Surely there must be some mistake! Have you seen my life lately? It’s hardly award worthy in my opinion – although I might qualify for an episode or two of Punked! There must be some sort of strings attached – like dibs on my first born or something.
Oh wait – there are strings! Here they are:
- Once you are nominated, you have been awarded the award. Woohoo!!
- You are supposed to thank the person who gave you the award.
This is truly an honor. When your life is at it’s most stressful and you’re just trying make it through to the weekend, this is such a happy surprise to find waiting for you on a Friday morning. So I would like to thank Karaboo at http://whoorwhatwasthat.wordpress.com/. I think she touches on all blended family issues that could come your way. If you are dealing with step-parenting, the ex, and trying to move forward with your new life, you have to follow this blog.
- Include a link to their blog.
Click on her link above.
- Select 15 blogs/bloggers that you’ve recently discovered or follow regularly.
Not sure about 15, but I will try my best.
- Nominate those 15 bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award.
Done and done.
- Tell the person who nominated you 7 things about yourself.
- My dream was to become an author, and I did. I published my own book last year.
- I have two amazing daughters. One absolutely amazes me with what a lovely young lady she’s become and the other’s lack of filter keeps me very grounded.
- I’m attempting to master the art of exercising and good diet simultaneously. I’ve achieved them both, just not at the same time. That’s my next big goal.
- I’m currently living on a cash only diet. No credit. It takes a lot of discipline, but I’m now used to it.
- I’m scared of the dark. Hate it. Don’t like it at all. We will never be friends.
- I’m currently in the process of writing 5 books simultaneously. It’s one of my greatest writing challenges, but it’s working out better than I thought it would.
- I want to be a writer when I grow up.
My nominees:
I 2 Am Every Woman – I used to contribute to this blog on the regular years ago. But this blog has been maintained by my BFF. She is my soul mate and godmother to my children. She speaks on topics with no fluff.
Everyone Has A Story – I love her for her honesty. This blog let’s me know I am not alone with my life struggles. Bird has done a superb job.
Sexy Christian Wife – I love this blog, because as a Christian woman, so many people hold you to some holy standard that does not allow a bit of your feminine side to be revealed in any sort of sexual manner. This blog lets you show a little skin, while keeping God first. Love it.
Roots to Blossom - This is a very deep and mature blog. It takes on something that I feel many people in our society lack – accountability. Check it out.
Papa Sense – I enjoy getting the male perspective of child rearing. I really enjoy this blog.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. This is such an honor.
By: Mia L. Hazlett
5/11/12
I ran into the store the other day and there was this woman who deserved to get smacked out of this world! Her son was maybe 4 or 5 years-old and she said, “This is my little man right here. He takes good care of his momma.” What in the damn?! I really hope I am not the only one that finds this comment disturbing. I say this because I have dated and know people who have dated momma’s boys. And maybe it was an “a-ha” moment for me when she said it. I obsessed over it throughout the rest of the day and since then, have tried to figure out how to keep my attitude out of this post. I instantly realized how momma’s boys came to be. Stupid-ass woman like in the store, telling their sons they are men who have to take care of the parent at the early age of 4.
This is not the first time I have heard this either. When I used to work in an elementary school, I would speak with kids and with parents. I would hear from single mothers many of times, “He’s the man of the house.” I’m thinking to myself, “You are a sad piece of nothing that you are letting your 4th grader be the ‘man’ of your house….mainly in part because he is not a man, he is nine.” When I worked at a college, you would have students working and when they got their paychecks, “I gotta send a little to ma dukes.” It wasn’t until my exposure in working in education and meeting these women that I began to understand, why there is a pool of men out there that don’t know how to support their families or live within their means.
Now I don’t have sons, but I do have daughters who will one day date. I’m concerned about the pool of men they will have to choose from, since I know there are women out there that think it’s okay to take from their children’s paycheck and allow 9 year-olds to run their house. Here is my reasoning as to why I feel these women are destroying our future men by allowing them to be the “man” of the house, taking from their paychecks, allowing them to take care of younger siblings, and many others I’m sure I’ve not heard or can’t think of right now. I will also state as I have in others, I speak from experience of dating momma’s boys and listening to those who have dated momma’s boys. I don’t have some doctorate or study to back me up, just real life. And I am not speaking of every single mother with a son, just those that I know who do some of these things.
I believe when any of us, regardless of age, are forced to do something we really aren’t mentally equipped to handle, we end up either hating the task or minimize our stress at all costs, even if it’s not the best approach to handling the situation. So you put a 4 or 9 year-old in the position to be the “man of the house,” for the next 10 years, then it’s time to get his first job (your hand is out to get a little bit of the paycheck), and then because of your poor decisions, a bill is put in their name. As time goes on, they even get to make some of the household decisions. By the time they have their own family, they are either sick of doing it or have been praised over the decade that they don’t see that their little pre-adolescent efforts don’t work for his girlfriend or wife and are not worthy of praise.
I sat with a BOY one time in my office. He had on his Jordans and designer wear. Can’t remember what he was down there for, but I do remember talking about cable. He was tired because he had stayed up past midnight watching his movie on HBO. I’m thinking designer clothes and HBO…interesting. I knew he qualified for free lunch. ”Yeah, I told my mom if the bill was going to be in my name, I better get HBO.” Seriously?!? So here sat this 9 year-old with a bill, demanding HBO, wearing most likely $2-$300 worth of gear, who is supposed to grow into a productive MAN. One of the women I worked with told me she dated who that boy would become. A man who refused to have any bills put in his name, who had no problems asking any and everyone for money, and they would be struggling to eat, but damn if he didn’t look good starving to death.
I believe this happened because the man she dated probably hated doing it when he was young and now that he was out of his mother’s house, he vowed to never do it again. Think about kids that are raised properly with rules. They can’t wait to turn 18 because they want the freedom from all of those restrictions. Same here with this case. These boys are given adult responsibilities at a young age, but that is their normalcy. So by the time they become adults, they already hate the responsibilities that go along with being an adult.
Then there are parents that ask their kids for money. Cut the crap and live within your damn means. If you don’t have cable, Jordan’s, or cell phones, so be it. Teach your kids to live within their damn means. Because now you’ve created a man who doesn’t see a problem with borrowing money because you always had your hand out. The twisted thing is, they have their hand out for the wrong thing, because you twisted their priorities. Their wants are their requirements and they’ve learned to cope without their needs. Let me break it down. They can’t imagine not having the latest Jordans, but can tell you exactly how to boil up some hot water on a stove to take a hot bath when they cut off the gas or electricity. And then they end up with a woman who was raised with the mindset that the man should be able to take care of the household, but because momma always asked for money, he isn’t so quick to give it, cause in some cases that I know – momma still has her hand out.
Finally, I find this to be the most detrimental, the care-giving role for siblings placed on children. If you are a single mother – GET A VILLAGE OF ADULTS!!!! I couldn’t even tell you how many times I’ve heard of the older sibling taking care of the younger sibling/s. Not the junior high or high school sibling babysitting. I’m talking about kids under ten getting their sibling/s up and ready for school because the parent wants to sleep in a little or is too tired from working. Or cooking dinner for them because no one is home. Let me put it this way, would it be okay if this same child got someone pregnant? So if under ten is too young to become a parent, why allow them to take on the parental role for YOUR kids? I feel this is in large part the reason some of these men leave kids all over the place, because once again, they’ve been taking care of a kid since before they turned ten. Now that they are grown and out of the house, the last thing they want to do is take care of kids. Because there is a grave difference between providing for and caring for your children. They grew up watching you provide for them and their siblings, but they ultimately took care of them when you were at work or wherever. So now they feel like as long as they are paying child support (providing for), what does it matter if they are in their kid’s life (taking care of)?
Trust me, I know how difficult it is to be the sole provider and care-taker. I have two daughters and me and their father are separated. I had to give up all my material possessions and crash on my friend’s couch for a year, while my kids slept on blow-up mattresses. I’m now at my parents’ house. You need an ADULT support system. Do not lean on your children. You and your lack of their father or man in your life are not their crosses to bear. Stop raising your son to be your husband. They are you son, not your man!
By: Mia L. Hazlett
5/9/12
http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2012/05/first-grader-suspended-for-singing-im-sexy-and-i-know-it/
I was talking with my BFF yesterday and couldn’t believe what she told me. I was telling her how my daughters had made up a dance to “I’m Sexy and I Know It,” by LMFAO. I don’t particularly care for the song. I basically listen to my iPod in the car and that song isn’t on there. Point is, we don’t own the song, but because we breath we’ve heard it. I am very conscience of what type of music my children listen to, as my parents were with me. But they also don’t live in a bubble. I’ve mentioned in other posts, I pick my battles carefully. My kids dancing around to a song that I don’t particularly care for is not going to send me into orbit. Singing about being sexy and knowing it, is not going to be a punishable end to my kids’ routine. So when she told me a first grader was just suspended from school for singing it on grounds of sexual harassment, I had to see for myself.
I believe schools are no longer allowed to have kids in their classrooms. Schools are no longer a place where our children can become anything but brainiacs. They are now in business to produce the smartest kids that will move onto the best colleges. Unfortunately, the child gets the human element crushed out of them and they are fed programming so they will function as a robot. Now I am not at all bashing schools in anyway. I sympathize with them. I spent almost ten years in education and I understand why these stupid things have to occur.
We live in a society nowadays where parents don’t have to be responsible for the kids they bring into this world – everyone else has to be responsible for them. I was cracking up when the mother mentioned the boy had sang this song before to the little girl, but this time ”he was shaking his booty.” Why do I find this so funny? Because that is the funniest word (booty) in the world to my six year-old right now. Say “booty” and you will see her crumble into a fit of giggles, all the while repeating “booty.” I find it perfectly okay. Why? Because she has one. And I prefer she not call it an ass.
I really would like to know who pushed the issue here? Because the label does not fit the school’s description of sexual harassment, “must have negative effects on the learning or work of others.” According to this article, they were in a lunch line. Was this girl so overcome by this boy’s shaking booty that she couldn’t eat, which led to her fainting while taking a test? I highly doubt it. I’m thinking after years of working with and raising kids, there was probably a little class clown looking for attention. He sang and shook his little booty IN THE LUNCH LINE and someone tattled. And I’m not looking to bash men, but some tend to be stupid, meaning highly unintelligent, when it comes to getting the attention of women they like. I still experience the “pssst.” Not from young little first graders, but GROWN-ass men. The other day I was walking down the street and this man, maybe in his late twenties, looked me up and down, and said, “Riiiight,” followed by a wink. Maybe this poor boy is just the victim of bad advice, “If you sing the sexy song and shake your booty, she’ll like you.” Who knows?
The one way I’ve tried to contribute to the classroom, through my kids is ….get ready….talking to them. Yup. I talk to my kids. Prior to them being in a classroom, they knew the difference between tattling and telling. They knew what to walk away from and what they needed to speak up about. That is my job as their mother. I need to ensure that they can handle their well-being to the best of their ability when I am not around. I have to know they can confidently handle conflict-resolution without it coming to blows. The only way that is going to happen is if they do it, not if I jump in all the time and speak for them. I’m not going to bash the parents’ of the little girl, because I don’t have the details as to how this little girl’s educational process was held up. Had my daughter come home and told me that a boy was shaking his booty at her while singing the song, I would have told her to get used to it, followed by a reenactment of Wink Boy.
At some point we need to allow our children to be children. I would love to know if any of these school officials simply asked the boy why he did it? Are parents so sheltering these days, that schools must be forced to suspend a first grader for a little booty shaking? He is at such a fragile age, that I feel these extreme measures have added one more robot to our society. Instead of this being a learning opportunity for this child as to how to appropriately approach a girl he likes or just stand in the lunch line, he’s been punished and labeled. Do we really want little robots walking around?
By: Mia L. Hazlett
5/7/12
I know I preach so much about “The Village,” but I believe in The Village. I don’t believe there are any single parents out there. If you claim to be a single parent, than I believe you have a pride problem or you take a lot of people for granted in your life. Now don’t get me wrong. I understand there are many people with limited resources and extended families, so you feel like you are alone at times. Why do I get it? I used to be one of those people. I wouldn’t ask anyone for help and wore the superwoman cape, like I was actually accomplishing something. I was only living a frazzled stressed life, and passing it on to my kids, who ended up shuffled through a day.
Screw it! That’s what my life came down to. A marriage that fell apart, unemployment, and now I had two kids to raise. I said, screw it! I called on all the people who said they would be there for me no matter what. You know what I found? They were there for me. They meant what they said. I’m not superwoman. My pride got checked at the door and I asked for help, both financially and emotionally. I’m so happy I did.
You see it allowed me to start, as cliché as it sounds, really enjoying my life as opposed to just living it. My circumstances still do not reflect where I want to be, but I am so much further along spiritually, financially, and emotionally from where I was last year at this time. In the midst of the storm, I am so centered in the eye, that you have to tell me there is still a storm going on at times. It comes down to, once you leave the world of stress and worry, going back is waaaay to uncomfortable. So when I find myself stressing and getting worked up over things, I ask myself, “Can I control what I’m worrying about?” 99% of the time, I can’t, so I let it go.
So last Thursday was one of those days that I found myself reaching for my cape and trying to be one person in three places. I still have the pride factor placed in the wrong places at times. Instead of just being proud of the way I’ve raised my kids, I want to sometimes still play Supermom. I knew my daughter had a softball game and I wasn’t going to miss it. That promise was made to her when she was still in the womb. If she ever played a sport, I was always going to be in the stands cheering her on. It was all planned out, the day was good, but then – the text, “Mommy my art show is tonight. You have to go buy my picture.” What in the damn?!?! Instantly my mind began to race – how? How could I do all of this? Aaahh!!!
I calmed myself down and picked up the phone. I called her father. He actually told me he had her schedule and had planned on going anyways. I gave him directions and felt grateful that most of my anger is gone. There are times when I get a bit upset. But ultimately, I’ve let him choose if he is going to be a good or bad dad. That’s out of my control. I left work and raced home. I made a packed dinner for my youngest and scooped her up. We were in the car within seven minutes of me returning home. We sped to the school and I hustled around the gym to find her picture. I saw a bunch of drawings and then I spotted her name. I loved her drawing. I filled out the little bid, paid the nice lady, and we were off for the game.
We arrived at the field and they were 15 minutes into the game. I didn’t kick myself too much because three hours ago I was at South Station thinking I wouldn’t make it in time. Now I was at the Cape with only 15 minutes lost and her picture in my car. I had made it to two places, but there was a third I couldn’t make. I wouldn’t have been able to get her to the game on time, so I asked my father. I didn’t want to, because my parents are giving their all right now. Me and the girls are living there with them, so they are already taking and picking them up from the bus stop and all the in-between. But I pulled up and my father was at the sidelines watching her game. He stayed for a little while with us and then left.
It was at that moment that he was walking to his car, that I’m glad I kept my promise to never miss a game. She hadn’t seen me and her sister arrive. The only thing she was watching instead of keeping her mind on the game, was her grandfather leaving. She kept looking over at him, and then she looked over at all of the parents at the fence, I gave her a smile and wave. The anxiety left her face and she crouched down, awaiting the ground ball. I looked beyond her as she raced into the field to chase a ball that had gotten past her and saw her father, grandmother, and cousin step out of his truck. We all stood by that fence and cheered her on for the rest of the game.
That day is what family is to me. No matter what the level of dysfunction that exists, you should always be able to pull it together for those who have nothing to do with it. Kids don’t ask to be brought into this world. My kids had nothing to do with our separation. But the one thing my little girl deserved that day, was to have her family on the sidelines cheering her on.
By: Mia L. Hazlett
5/4/12
My day winded down. As my second foot landed inside the train, I left my exhausted day on the platform. I seated myself and exhaled looking forward to the first-degree activities of the evening. I had thought about them all day. Now, only hours before pure ecstasy would envelope me, my fatigue faded. I could only think of my bed, wine, and the two men that would put me to sleep. This wasn’t our first time together. But it had been so long since we had rendezvoused, that I almost couldn’t contain my excitement. I could already hear Sam’s melodious voice in my ear, as I swallowed…the sparkling Moscato. I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off of James. I’ve never been able to. I always thirst for more from him, because he always delivers.
I ran into my house to accelerate my evening routine. I had only two hours to prepare myself for a night of complete sensuality. I had seen James on the train and if I’d not had this pre-planned, I would have opted for the spontaneity. But he knows just how to keep me wanting more. So patience prevailed and I prepared for my guests. I took the bottle of Moscato from the fridge and placed it in the freezer, prior to my shower. The phone rang as I stepped from the shower. Caller ID prevented me from answering. I knew if I started talking to my friend, our conversation would flow over into menage time. Sorry. I wasn’t in the mood for talking tonight.
Sam arrived first. He whispered in that soulful voice something about we were having a party. As I rolled to my side, he said, “That’s where it’s at.” Oh how I loved him. He knew just what to say. I listened as he caressed my ears with his words, and sipped on my ice chilled sparkles. I don’t know if it fit the occasion, but I completely melted when he calld me, Sugar Dumpling.
It was finally time for James, who had patiently sat waiting next to me on the bed. I reached for him and picked up where we left off on the train. Unlike Sam, there was no courting dance. As James enticed me, I became instantly lost, but could faintly here Sam saying, “Bring it on home to me.” He always got me when he said that. My wine, my favorite two men, what could be better?
I heard a thumping outside my door, but was more caught up in James than any possible distraction. Suddenly the door was open and I was face to face with Gangsta K. No matter where I hid, she always found me. Why tonight? Why right now? I deserved this night. Shouldn’t she be asleep, rather than hunting me down? I put James on hold, but Sam would allow no one to ruin his flow. He continued without missing a beat. I watched her move towards my purse. She hunted inside and pulled out the purple package. It all came back to me now. I had seen it in my purse the other day when she was hot on my heels. I thought nothing of it, because I just wanted to avoid her at all cost. But now she held the evidence. I couldn’t even negotiate.
I asked what she wanted? ”The money. You owe me money.” She shook the package at me. ”Just take it and leave me alone.” By now, James had left. But before I could stop her, she was in bed with me and Sam. There was nothing I could do, but accept her under my covers, finish my wine, and listen to Sam tell me a change is gonna come.
************************************************************
Now get your mind out of the gutters. I’ve had a bit of writer’s block when it comes to fiction, so I thought I would try something new with this post. In layman’s terms this is what happened. I was tired when I got on the train the other night. I decided early in the day that I was going to relax when I got home. I was going to have a glass of wine, curl up in bed with my new James Patterson book, all the while listening to Sam Cooke. I got home and rushed through the nightly routine. Everything was going as planned, until my youngest burst on in demanding a dollar for the wallet she made me a week ago. I didn’t know what she was talking about, so she went to my purse and took it out – shaking it at me. I told her to go into my wallet and take out a dollar because I wasn’t getting out of bed. I closed my book and downed the rest of my wine. I was so tired at this point that when she climbed in the bed, I didn’t have the energy to fight her. We fell asleep to Sam Cooke’s, A Change is Gonna Come.
By: Mia L. Hazlett
5/3/12
So what are godparents to you and your family? Well to me they must reflect God (I love how people leave this out even with the given title), must have children, a very similar approach to raising a child, and my kids must know and love them. These are not “or” things. If you don’t possess all of these characteristics, you don’t qualify. I’m writing this because godparents have been on my mind lately. I was asked the other day who my daughter’s godparents were and I told them they only have a godmother. I fired their godfather when my youngest was two months. When I thought of him, God wasn’t what came to mind. When I think of their godmother, she has already had to fulfill her commitment to this role. Let me explain.
Almost three years ago I separated from my husband and embarked on 18 months of unemployment. At my very worst when I could barely hold on to my sanity, she opened her home to us for a year and helped me and my children through our worst. Oh yeah, and continued to raise her two daughters and work full-time. You see, that’s the role of a godmother. Most people think it’s when the parent is dead, they step in. But for me, the godmother is the back-up for when the mother cannot perform her role. Another obvious and to me the most important function, is to guide my children so they know Jesus and God. We joined her church while we lived there and shared many a services with her and her family. She is so close with my daughters that my youngest asked me once if she was her mother too? I told her yes. I know she would do for my daughters as she has done for her own.
Then there were times when I put everything on the table with my oldest. I told her the truth about our circumstances and it’s led to over two years of very open communication between her and I. But there were times when we lived with my friend that she didn’t want to worry me or hurt my feelings. So when her godmother would go to the store or run errands, she would hop in the car with her and they would talk. Me and my friend made a pact long ago about our kids, as long as our kids are in no danger and it’s just about their feelings, we were their safe havens. My kids could go to her and vice-versa. They don’t have to worry about us sharing their secrets. I think all kids need that. Again the name of this blog. It’s not my time to be my kids’ friend, but I understand there is stuff going on in their lives that they may not want to share with me. She would either tell my daughter to talk to me about it or she would tell me everything was okay and not to worry. That to me is a Godmother. Someone who can tell me not to worry about my own kid because they’ve handle it and I don’t give it a second thought.
Now as I think about a godfather for my kids, it’s very difficult. I have yet to meet and know a man that fits all my criteria. Some people have given me the “yeah, but”. ”Yeah, but,” is “Yeah, but he is a really good father to his kids,” “Yeah, but he goes to church,” ”Yeah, but your kids could get to know him.” Blah, blah, blah. I don’t settle when it comes to who I expose my kids to. I don’t settle when all the characteristics I require aren’t fulfilled. They are requirements not preferences. I know my children need to be exposed to a Christian, moral, honest male role model. It is imperative for their upbringing. But I am not just going to have anyone step into this role, just so I can say they have a godfather. They are surrounded by very positive male role models. Some are Christians, some are not. Some have kids, some don’t. Some I agree with the way they raise their children, some I don’t. Some my kids know and love, some they don’t. So when there is a check next to each of these, my kids will have a godfather. But until then, I’m not settling. They already have a terrific godmother that’s holding it down.
*And just a side note here – they will have to get my kids’ godmother’s approval too. Good luck on that one. She’s a work in progress on the sharing thing.
By: Mia L. Hazlett
4/27/12
I was watching this movie called Trust the other night. It’s by David Schwimmer and it was excellent. It was about a teen (maybe 14 or 15) who was texting back and forth with a “boy” she met on-line. They finally agreed to meet and it ended up being a grown man(thirty something.) See the movie for yourself, it has a powerful message, being that the young girl actually “fell in love” with this man. The next day I read this stupid article, http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/technology-blog/spying-teens-via-facebook-most-parents-235218608.html
Are you really spying on your kid or being a responsible parent? I just never understood how it is possible for your kid to have privacy when posting on a social network. They are sharing their thoughts, experiences, locations, and pictures with the world. Okay, some have their privacy settings and all, but you get my point. Now my 10 YO has an email account. It is linked to my phone so I get all her emails too. Yeah, one day she will probably drop me or open another one, but not right now. If she wants to do the FB thing and see pictures or message family, she uses my account with me right there. She has an iTouch where she has a free texting app. Now for the emails and iTouch, I have her passwords and go through them whenever the mood hits.
Why? you may ask. I do this because I am the parent and I can. She has the iTouch because when we lived in Houston, she and her sister could Face-time their father and other family members. I allowed her to get the free texting app because she and I keep in touch, when I am at work. She’s not allowed to have a cell yet because she’s not old enough to go anywhere where there are not responsible adults (all the adults I leave her with have cell phones and most have land lines.) She did end up losing her iTouch for a week, because I checked a text message that was sent to her cousin at 12 in the am. Hand it over chicky!
The thing is, I do trust my daughter. Plus I know I’ve posted somewhere on this blog she is a horrible liar. But I don’t trust the people out there that make it a felony of preying on innocent children. Parents these days need to be more adamant about who their children are texting, chatting with, FB friends with and lay the freakin’ privacy thing to the side. A responsible parent shouldn’t consider themselves spying on their kids if they log into their children’s FB page. They should pat themselves on the back for giving a crap enough to ensure their kids are presenting themselves to the world in a responsible manner. Trust me, I wonder sometimes on FB when I see these young girls with the horrendous kissy lips and boob and butt shots, they post as their profile pic. I’m more concerned when I see their parents are friends with them and apparently find it appropriate. Granted I sent my daughters into the camera booth at the mall a couple of weeks ago, smiles, smiles, smiles, smile and kissy lips. My oldest made the kissy lips on the fourth picture. I told her she looked like she was in pain.
I remember there was a woman I worked with and she found out through her friend, her daughter was airing how much she hated her (the woman I worked with/the mother) with F-bomb and B-Bomb. My co-worker was complaining and going on and on. She told me her son went in and closed the account, just to find out her daughter has opened another one and “it is all blocked. I can’t see anything.” She didn’t like my solution, “take away her laptop and cell phone and tell her until she knows how to use FB responsibly, she’s not getting them back.” ”Oh she’ll just find another way. That will be too much of a headache.” I had to ask her, “So you’re okay with people coming up to you and telling you your daughter thinks you’re an effen-B?” “Well she needs her computer for school.” I told her, “Teachers know your daughter just as much as you do. They spend most of their days with her. Write them a note and tell them why she doesn’t have a computer anymore and why they must accept her handwritten reports.” It went back and forth; her daughter never lost her phone or computer, but she returned complaining her daughter was doing the same with the new account.
If there is anything I remember growing up it’s, “as long as you live under my roof, you live by my rules.” Where did that go? When did it become okay with these push-over parents to be publicly disrespected in the name of good grades? How can making sure our kids are practicing safety on-line, be considered spying and invading their privacy? Spying is what siblings do, not parents. Kids nowadays have access to the world, and the real tech savvy and not so tech savvy have access to our kids. It’s not about trusting your kid, it’s about not trusting those who have access to your kids. I much rather have my kid walking around hating me because I am checking her computer and phone when I feel like it, rather than have her love me, while making secret dates with 30 year-old pedophiles. Because as long as she is under my roof, it’s my rules!
By: Mia L. Hazlett
4/27/2012
Unfortunately kids don’t come with directions and you don’t have to have a license to have one. A stupid person can go ahead and have a baby. In fact, two stupid people can conceive a child or two or three or…. When I say stupid, I mean they lack all good common sense. They even lack common sense when they say things aloud. I put that in there, because I have a tendency to hear myself say something aloud, and quickly retract because it is the most asinine thought once I hear myself say it. Granted there are a whole bunch of books out there you can use as guides, but that’s not the same as being in my house on the daily and dealing with my kids. No one guide can blanket every scenario parenthood is going to place on your doorstep. Sometimes you’re just going to have to wing it and hope for the best.
Because the role of a parent is the equivalent of a being a cop, jury, and judge. You have defined rules for how your household is run. It is your job to keep the peace and ensure these rules are obeyed at all times. Now if these rules are broken, you snatch up the offender, make an arrest, and it’s up to you to review the evidence for a guilty or innocent verdict. Then ultimately you determine the penalty if the verdict comes back guilty. Or maybe you’re an experienced judge who knows how to pick your battles and you throw the case out altogether. Almost eleven years in, I’ve learned to do this many of times.
These are some of the things I’ve heard that I find to be stupid. Agree, disagree, I don’t care. In my opinion they’re stupid things said by stupid parents or maybe just lazy parents.
1. Kids that have no bedtime - “They just won’t go to bed.” ”Every time I put them down, they get right back up.” ”They’re a night owl, just like me.” ”They don’t need a lot of sleep.” Stupid!
2. Kids that say “no” when told to do something by their parent - “Fine I’ll do it myself.” ”Wait until your father gets home.” ”You are so fresh.” “Will you do it, if Mommy helps you?” Stupid!
3. Kids who get to eat crap all the time - “They’re such a picky eater.” ”I don’t think they’ll eat that.” ”I don’t eat that so I don’t buy it.” ”That’s what they like.” Uuummm…Stupid!
4. Kids who listen to explicit music “I don’t know where they heard that song.” ”I wish they would listen to something else.” ”That music is so derogatory.” STUPID!!!
These are just a few of the things I heard over the past two weeks, whether being on the train, work or in the stores. They’ve been on my mind so I had to put the STUPID parents out there.
#1. I get that kids don’t want to go to bed when they don’t perceive that they are tired. The point is, you give your kid a bedtime to instill routine. I doubt they are going to be tired every night come bedtime, but the body is a machine. It must be programmed to get tired. At least for my kids, inconsistency and taking them out of routine, produces a malfunctioning machine. If they stay up past their bedtime for at least two nights in a row, it can take days to fix before they are back to normal. But I blame stupid parents that don’t want to enforce a bedtime because they are too damn lazy. I’m not saying your kid should be snoring before you go to bed, but they need to be IN THE BED. That is your job!
#2. I’m walking back to my car in the parking lot of Target. The mother is pushing a cart with a one or two-year old sitting in the front of the carriage and a ten or eleven year old texting or something on his cell phone is walking next to her. She tells the older boy to dig the keys out of her purse and unlock the car. He says no and continues to text without even looking at her and walks to the passenger’s door. ”Fine I’ll do it myself.” She begins digging through her purse and the toddler starts crying, because it was a bit chilly. ”Moooommm, hurry up. It’s cold.” ”Well that’s why I told you to get the keys out of my purse.” WHAT IN THE DAMN!!?? I can’t even ask if she was kidding me because she wasn’t.
#3. Look my kids are picky eaters, but we’ve been living in different households so for the most part it’s difficult to always choose the meals we enjoy the most. But my kids have been introduced to all food groups and are basically healthy eaters. I hate fruit. Hate it. But I know its healthy and good for them, so I introduced them to it and they love it. I basically cook chicken and seafood. I’m not real big on red meat. I’ve seen people who won’t continue to introduce food to their toddlers once the toddler has said no. I find that crazy.
#4. Kids listen to what ever they want to if you let them. If there is cursing in the music and you don’t change the station, they interpret that as being okay to listen to. These two mothers were talking about their sons on the train the other day. One was talking about how her son got an iTunes card for his birthday and proceeded to download his music. He was apparently in his room listening to the songs on his iPod, which was set to speakers so she could hear the music. ”I mean the whole song was just swearing and you could barely understand what they were saying. I told him to shut his door because I didn’t want to hear it.” The friend responded, “I know, Greg listens to that crap all the time. I can’t stand it. I make him put his headphones on.” Now maybe the kids were older, no ages were stated. But I’m assuming they were too young (in my opinion) to be listening to explicit lyrics. I say this because Greg’s mother then discussed how she didn’t know whether to have his birthday at Chuck-E-Cheese or Dave and Busters. I mean I don’t have teenagers and maybe that is the cool thing with them right now, but I’m thinking not. Either way, what happened to “as long as you live under my roof, you have to live by my rules.” Where did that go?
Look, I’m not the perfect mom by any means. My kids get away with stuff all the time. Sometimes there’s a battle, sometimes I let things slide. But I can let things slide because I have built the foundation on solid ground with my kids understanding I have the final say in all things. I will listen to their side, but they will not convince me at the ages of 10 and 6 (that’s right, my little on had her birthday) they don’t need a bedtime, can say no if they feel like it when told to do something, not eat a healthy balanced dinner, and listen to music that drops the F-bomb every other word. I can’t afford to be stupid. I have two children that will suffer if I allow my common sense to go to the wayside.
